It sounds like this boy has a real hold on you, although he may not be aware of it. You may wish that you could find the courage to speak to him. Firstly, it is very natural to find it difficult to concentrate or focus when attracted to someone, but find it challenging to let them get to know you. At the same time, it seems like your focus is turned so much to him that it is impacting your ability to be successful in school. You may find that so much of your energy is going into dreaming about what you would say or do if you did speak with him. This leaves little energy to devote to your studies.

You may be anxious about school itself. You may find certain classes frustrating or particularly challenging. It may be easier to distract yourself by thinking about something more pleasant, such as daydreaming about being with this boy. While it may be easier in the moment to turn your attention in this way, it can serve to increase your experience of anxiety. Furthermore, it sounds like focusing so much on this guy might be causing you more distress and feelings of insecurity.

If you feel that you cannot speak with him, you may want to try to work on developing other relationships you do have in your life. This could include existing relationships with family or friends. Or, if you are feeling very isolated, it might be helpful to seek out support through student organizations or clubs.

If you are a NIU student, you might find it helpful to seek out counseling at the Counseling and Student Development Center. Talking through your feelings might provide a safe place for you to explore your anxiety, rather than feeling left to do alone while in class. Therapy can help you to discover ways to decrease your anxiety to allow you to function better in school and in relationships. Additionally, you might want to visit our center’s Coaching for Academic Success program. This can provide you with additional strategies to focus and effectively utilize your time for your studies. If you are not a NIU student, most colleges and high schools have a counselor you can speak with.

Sincerely,

Barb Wired