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Dear VJ,
Thanks for writing in once again. I did not find your questions to be at all inappropriate and am glad that you had the courage to seek support. I'm more than happy to respond. While at NIU, I've spoken with many students with similar concerns. You are not alone. The feelings you are experiencing are understandable and they can be confusing as well. Regardless of age, gender, race, religious affiliation, or cultural background, a person's sexual identity development is a unique process. There are numerous resources that provide useful and helpful information for NIU students who are questioning and/or exploring their sexual identity. Information about the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered) Resource Center can be found at www3.niu.edu/lgbt/ The LGBT Resource Center Office is located on the 7th Floor of the Holmes Student Center. Also at NIU, there is a student organization called PRISM, which provides support for students who are out of the close, in the closet, or questioning. PRISM has an excellent website (www.geocities.com/niuprism/) that has links to other information that you might find beneficial and informative. Regarding your visits to online sites, this can be a healthy way to "help yourself" in a private and safe setting. Going online is one way to get your needs met without feeling you have to "make a move" on someone or come out of the closet. However, your concern about becoming "addicted" to these sites also requires discussion. Is your concern related to the amount of time you are spending online or do you feel shame in accessing this information in the first place? If you are experiencing shame, then any amount of time you spend online is going to feel like "too much." If you are still concerned that you're spending too much time online, then one warning sign of addictive behavior is the disruption of day-to-day activities (such as your ability to attend classes, complete academic responsibilities, and maintain healthy relationships with others). Even though you haven't specified if you're "chatting" online or simply accessing materials, remember that some chat sites can be potentially harmful. Meeting strangers in person can also lead to dangerous situations. Use discretion in disclosing personal information and always be careful! The coming out process is unique to each individual. Please do not feel pressured to make a decision about your sexuality until the "me" is ready to do so. Even after utilizing the online resources provided, you may find it difficult to discuss your concerns with others face-to-face. Always remember that counselors at the Counseling & Student Development Center (200 Campus Life Building; 753-1206) are available to discuss your concerns. Similar to my response when you were feeling homesick, speaking with someone in a confidential and private setting can be helpful and counselors at the CSDC have experience working with students with concerns similar to yours. Thanks for your letter and do not hesitate to let me know if you have additional concerns. Barb Wired |