Dear Can’t Stop Thinking,

It is understandable that you are upset and unsettled by the discovery that your boyfriend professed his love to someone else (past or present). It is also understandable that you are confused about how to proceed given that you were “snooping.” Did you have reasons to look through his personal items? You were experiencing feelings of mistrust in the relationship? If you have a history of concerns regarding trust, this situation could provide both of you an opportunity to have an open conversation about how this has been affecting your relationship. If you decide to disclose to your boyfriend that you found the letter, it is important to be honest and anticipate how he might react when he learns his privacy has been disrespected. It appears that if you do not talk to your boyfriend about your concerns, this situation may continue to consume your thoughts and could contribute to additional relationship difficulties. If you feel that couples counseling would be helpful, you can call the Family Center at NIU at 753-1684 and they will provide you additional information about the services they offer. You can also call the Counseling & Student Development Center at 753-1206 if you would like to speak directly with a counselor about your concerns.

Sincerely,

Barb Wired