Dear Darling in Distress,

Thank you for voicing your concern. I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggles. I am particularly sad that you have been rejected by your family. So much of how we learn to feel about ourselves in the world comes from experiences in our family. I can't help but wonder if your difficulties in school and with your feelings of loneliness are not in some way related to these past family experiences, and now have more or less taken on a life of their own in your daily activities.

It seems to me that you would feel better, and do better academically, if you could feel genuinely conected to others in ways that you found deeply meaningful. If you could just feel part of a community in that respect, you might be able to begin to experience yourself differently, as well as have the opportunity to contribute to the well-being of others. The potential benefits of such involvement are immense, especially with respect to self-esteem.

The important question is how to accomplish this goal. I am sorry that counseling was not helpful to you in the past, since one of the strengths of the therapy process is (or should be) helping you to feel better about yourself by working through the painful and isolating experiences of your past and helping you construct a way of being in the world that is connected to others and life-affirming. While I would like to encourage you to consider giving counseling another try, I am well aware that taking that step, given your previous disappointment, may be more than you can do right now.

What I would like you to think about is how difficult it must be for you to try to cope with all of your concerns by yourself. I feel it is very important for you to consider how you might reduce your sense of isolation and become involved with others in ways that feel good to you. In a sense, you may need to create a sense of "family" on your own. Despite the experiences of rejection from your original family, the need for "family" never goes away. I want you to know that it is possible to re-create that sense of "family" in other ways. I would like to think that counseling could help you do this.

If you are willing, however reluctantly, to consider giving counseling another chance, I hope you will do so. It may be worth the risk. Just call our office at 753-1206, or drop by the Counseling and Student Development Center (CSDC) at 200 Campus Life Building, and schedule an appintment. Whomever you see in our office will take you seriously and do everything possible to help you get closer to your true self so that you can feel less lonely and do well in school.

Sincerely,

Barb Wired