Dear Student,

Being scared seems to be a pretty reasonable response to a situation that is unpredictable and painful, both physically and emotionally.  When we get very frightened, we automatically turn to either fighting back or running away.  However, there are other choices, and your instinct that help is a good idea is right on target.

 

Although getting hit by a parent is certainly not acceptable, it sounds from your description that for you, the fear you have and the silence that follows is even worse.  Being scared, and then having to pretend that nothing happened is almost always going to result in feeling trapped.  And then, when we pretend about something this big, it begins to affect other parts of life, like school.  This is one reason why talking to someone you trust can be so helpful.  Talking about this in a safe way doesn’t mean that you or anyone has to confront your father or do things that will increase the danger you or anyone in your family may be in.  It does mean that the energy you spend in pretending everything is fine can go towards figuring out ways of dealing with the family situation so that you don’t feel trapped and scared.

 

Often talking to a trusted friend can ease some of the pain.  Allowing yourself to be connected to friends, teachers, and even family members that you can learn to trust will help you feel less trapped.  In this situation, talking to a professional first may actually be less frightening, because a counselor probably understands what you are feeling and is committed to helping you figure out what is best for you, and will keep what you discuss confidential.  There is one important exception that I should mention, however.  If you have siblings at home who are minors, or elderly relatives, and they are at risk of abuse, a counselor is legally and ethically obligated to ensure their safety.  Usually this means working with you to figure out the best way to get help to the family, since we assume no one wants to see their little brother or sister get hurt too.

 

All that said, it is still true that often the hardest part of therapy is walking into the office the first time.  Sometimes it helps to have someone come with you the first time.  Even having a friend waiting for you can be a big boost.  Another option is to call the Counseling and Student Development Center (753-1206) and ask to speak to a counselor.  Sometimes after students have talked to someone on the phone it helps make it less frightening to take the next step.  You have already done one of the very hardest things: you’ve recognized that even though no one is talking about it, there really is a problem at home that makes you unhappy.  Barb Wired hopes that you will find the courage to call.

BW