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Dear VJ,
Thank you for asking your question and for sharing this personal aspect of yourself. Based on what you have indicated, I am making the tentative assumption that you are an international student. Living far from home, in a culture that is probably so very different from your own, is bound to create a longing in your heart for the comfort of home. This is especially true at significant times, such as the approaching new-year celebration in your country, as you have stated. The fact that you are feeling depressed is an indication that your attachment to your heritage is a strong one. Even though you are feeling worse now, it is important to appreciate that your feeling of wanting to stay connected to your roots is an indicator of a psychologically healthy response. And it is out of this idea of wanting to stay connected to your home and your culture, the very experiences that have been so important in the creation of your own identity, that I would like to make some suggestions for you. Have you considered the possibility of re-creating parts of your familiar cultural celebrations here? Is there a celebration or get-together planned by others that you could attend? Is it possible to get together with friends from your country and have your own celebration of the new year? This is a time when it is very important for most people to have the support of friends or to just be around others who are similar to you. Do you know people who are also feeling the way you do? One way to feel better is to try helping others to feel better by being supportive and involved with them around a common experience. It may also help to do something for yourself that you would normally do at home at this time of the year, such as praying or eating special food. I am sure that it is very likely that you miss your family very much. If it is possible to contact them, I hope you will. However, another possibility is to focus on who is your "family" here. When one is away from one's "real" family, it can be very important to create a kind of "substitute" family for support, made up of friends, classmates, sponsoring relatives, or the American family that is sponsoring you, and possibly others you have met along the way. Having this support is one of the most important things you can do to help yourself feel less depressed. Because of what is likely your unique cultural background, there are many students from other cultures, including Americans, who would be very interested in knowing what your life, your traditions, and your ideas are. In this respect, I want to suggest that you have a lot to offer others that could help you feel valuable and important, and therefore, less depressed. I know that many international students are often lonely and have difficulty making friends. Sometimes just being able to speak with someone in a confidential and private way can help to lessen the loneliness and the feelings of depression. In the Counseling and Student Development Center, we value very much being able to meet with students in this way. I know that it can feel awkward to seek counseling, especially since in many cultures outside of the U.S., counseling is more informal, but many international students have found doing so a very positive experience in helping them feel less depressed. You may find it helpful to find out more about the difference between depression and loneliness. A useful resource is at http://www.couns.uiuc.edu/Brochures/Depression.htm. If you are willing to consider talking to a counselor, you can come by the Counseling and Student Development Center, 200 Campus Life Building, or call 753-1206, to meet one of our counselors. We all have an understanding of what it is like to go through difficult transitions from our personal experiences and from what we have learned by helping other international students. In addition, it may be helpful to talk to our study skills counselor about the concerns you have with paying attention when you read. In addition, Thecla Cooler, in the International Student & Faculty Office, is a person who could be very helpful to you. Finally, I want to call your attention to the fact that April is Asian and Asian-American Heritage Month. Throughout the month, there are many activities and events that may be of interest to you, if your own heritage is Asian, or even if it is not. You can get a copy of the schedule of events from the University Programming and Activities Office, in the Campus Life Building, or go on-line to www.niu.edu/aar. Attending or participating in some of these events might help you to feel more involved and connected to others, and therefore, less depressed. Thank you again for your question. I want you to know that you are not the only student who is having these feelings. I hope that some of these suggestions can be helpful to you. Take care, Barb Wired Follow up on 4/14: Dear Barb Wired, I don't have any question in this mail, but I'm writing to thank you for the helpful advices and links. Actually, I've done what you've suggested and they've worked. I appreciate all you've advised me. Of course, I'm an Asian. Smart guess! I'm now feeling much better. VJ :-) Response: Dear VJ, Thank you for the feedback! I am so glad that you are doing better. Good luck with the rest of the semester, and I hope you will continue to take care of yourself. Sincerely, Barb Wired |