June 27, 2005

I was wondering if you knew of any support groups for people who are afraid to speak in public. I am currently in 2 classes this summer, and they both require short speeches. So far, I have avoided classes that require a speech, but my luck has run out. I am not the type of person who just gets a little nervous, rather, I am someone who gets tunnel vision and comes close to blacking out. I do have medication that I take before a speech, but I am still overcome with anxiety, and end up making a fool of myself. If you know of any groups I can join, I am willing to do anything to overcome this fear. Thanks for your help.

May 29, 2005

Hello. I am an excitedly engaged student. My wedding is set for a year out, but I'd like to get married sooner. Unfortunately, I have some serious health issues that require expensive specialty doctor visits every few months, and a whole lot of expensive prescriptions required to pretty much keep me alive. I will likely be obtaining a full-time job upon graduation, just before my scheduled wedding, and before then I will be on my parents' insurance. As I said, I'd love to be able to cut my engagement in half, but I don't believe the University Insurance covers prescriptions. I'm wondering if you're aware of any prescription coverage that NIU offers for students like me? My fiancé is also a student, and would have the same coverage. Thanks... IMPATIENT

May 28, 2005

What are your hours of operation during the interrim and the summer sessions?

April 20, 2005

What should i do when I know my brother in law is being verbally abusive to my niece. My sister has cancer. When she hears what is going on she confronts him and then he feels bad for awhile and then starts again a few days later. He really isn't that way with my nephew. Please help.

April 5, 2005

I am 18 years old and I just found out that I no longer have a job. The thing that is making me so sad is that in June of this year my friend and
I are moving down to North Carolina, I still have to pay my dad back the money that I owe him and I just don't know what to do anymore.

March 30, 2005

I have a hard time trusting people in general due to my past. When I met my boyfriend of almost 2 years I knew I could trust him. I put so much trust and love into him. Just days before our 1 year anniversary I found out he had been lying to me the entire time about some girl. I was crushed. He begged me for forgiveness for a long time and, although we stayed together, I was pretty much empty inside. We fought so much over that time period that when I had finally gotten over being hurt by it all, he had shut down to me. We both went through so much emotionally during that time period and I know that he felt so horrible. I just keep thinking to myself that if I hadn't have been so selfish that maybe he wouldn't have shut down to me. About 2 months ago we decided that we were going to try and just forget it all and be happy, but it never works. I have forgotten about it and let it go for the most part, but now anytime that we get into an argument, even if it hasn't the slightest thing to do with what happened before, he'll turn it into a big argument saying 'it's just like it was before'. We always manage to get over it in a few hours and usually remain happy for a couple days, then just go back to being blah with one another for a while. Now, because he lied to me and hid so much from me about that one girl, anytime he talks to a girl I get worried and completely overreact. I'm so insecure with myself sometimes that I feel like he is just waiting to leave me. I demanded long ago that he never speak or see that girl again and he did just that, just for me. Now, he lives next door to this girl that he says he has no interest in. She is always over and always all over his other roommates. They have a class together and sit together and talk before and after all the time. I had asked him just the other day if he talked to her much on AIM and he told me "No" to my face. Then today, I found out that he talks to her almost everyday on AIM. When I asked him why he lied to me he just repeats that he did so I wouldn't get mad at him for talking to her. I don't even mind that he talks to her as much as I do the fact that he lied to me again. I sat there and trusted him again and this is why... ?!! He thinks that it is okay to lie to me as long as I don't find out about it and he said that lying to me is just easier than being honest with me. I'm so frustrated with him and his lies but I really don't want to be without him. He means so much to me and I really do love him so much. How can I get him to feel like he can stop lying to me? Am I just blowing things way out of proportion?

March 22, 2005

I have a friend who has recently separated from her husband. She used to smoke pot for fun, however, she has been smoking it daily. She shows up to work late, sleeps a lot, and I don't know who she is anymore. We have talked several times about just doing drugs and have a different set of values. How can I confront her without her getting the impression that I think I am better than her because I don't do drugs?

February 8, 2005

I am a parent of a student who will be starting there in the fall of 2005. I have heard from several sources that there is a "Gang" problem there...do you think there is? What can the students do if they are approached to join a gang?

January 14, 2005

I am a student that is in the public spotlight (on campus) and so I am hesitant to come into your office, but I have been referred to you from a staff member on campus. In the past 4-5 months I have noticed that my energy levels have been dropping and I've been doing a lot of things that have damaged my personal relationships and professional relationships. I am often irritable, but it seems as if I'm having pretty big mood swings. When the person who referred me to you asked how I felt about myself, I replied that it depended on the day, and they seemed to think that is a problem. What do you think about my situation and my behavior.

November 10, 2004

I recently wrote my therapist a very nice letter telling her that I considered her a friend. (since I keep everyone at arms reach) I told her that I trust her with my feeling and emotions. I told her that I would love to hangout, maybe have dinner and a movie. Did I cross the line? I was never in therapy before. I feel like I connect with her. Originally, I started therapy for my failed marriage and then I realized it wasn't all about my marriage. I don't know if I crossed the line. Should I stop seeing her and end therapy altogether?

November 17, 2004

My daughter is a freshmen in college. Has always had problems taking written tests: multi/choice, fill in blank, etc. Can do oral and essays no problem. Work in class is A & B work. Seems to know information when asked verbally but flunks written test. A teacher in high school noticed pattern and would give her test verbally and essay and she would get A's.

Now in college is having same problem with written test taking. Studies all the time and is getting very frustrated. Afraid for losing credit and scholarship. I am wondering is maybe isn't Dyscalculia.

Where can she get tested?

Royal Oak / Detroit Mi area.

November 11, 2004

Hello, I was wondering what documents I need for being able to take my tests in a less distracting environment at the chances of me getting time and a half for taking tests. I have not said anything to anyone about my problem with taking tests in school, but this semester it has gotten worse. I feel it is hard to finish my tests on time and hard to pass them too. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I study for two to three days, and I can't seem to pass. So, if there are any documents that you need from me to be a part of the CARR place, could you tell me? Thanks for your time.

October 10, 2004

I'm not sure if I should go for counseling for the issue I have. My motivation for school has hit rock bottom. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it is because I lack self-confidence in my intelligence. Maybe I'm just sick of school. I'm in the Education field so it is essential I bring up my grades or I won't graduate with an Education degree. I used to be a really good student my freshman and sophomore years. Then junior year I started to slip a bit and my grades have been falling more and more. I'm not sure what to do but I know I need to turn myself around quick. I realize the consequences if I don't do something quick but that still isn't motivation. Any suggestions? Should I come in to the counseling center?

September 27, 2004

If a student graduates, can s/he still receive counseling treatment, even if having to pay appropriate fees?

September 24, 2004

Dear BW,

Over the past year or so, I have noticed that I can't manage to get anything done whether its school-related, work related, or having to do with my organization. I either don't get things done or I get them done so late that I may as well not have done them at all. I joke and call myself a chronic procrastinator but I'm really starting to think that something is seriously wrong with me. Its crazy. Its like I'll know that I have to do something and I'll also know the repercussion of not getting it done, but I just can't force myself to do it. This has affected my academics, my finances, work, etc. I heard about a condition called adult ADD and I honestly feel like that's what's wrong with me but then on the other hand I feel like I'm just finding an excuse to justify being lazy and unfocused. What do you think?

Unfocused

September 15, 2004

Dear BW,

 I have been feeling suicidal off and on lately. I often drink or smoke pot to help me feel better. How can I get help for my problems?

September 1, 2004

Dear BW,

I don't know if this is the right place for me to ask or not, but I've found no one to talk to about this issue. I'm living in the closet!

I'm a bi-curious international student who's looking for a first-time experience with a man; however, I'm not brave enough to make a move. I know this country accepts more freedom of sexual preferences than my original country, but the "me" doesn't accept it. The "me" likes others to find me straight. In my room, I go to porn sites and "help myself". I feel I do it a little bit too much that I can't stop myself not visiting those sites. I feel I'm addicted to those sites. How could I help myself to not to go to those sites that much?

I'm terribly sorry if you find my mail dirty, but you're the one and only I can go to at this time. I don't mean to write a dirty mail to you -not at all!

Regards with thanks, 

VJ

P.S. I used to write you about my homesickness, and you helped me out.

August 31, 2004

Dear BW,

How to get out dead lice?

August 24, 2004

Dear BW,

I graduated in 1979 from NIU, with a degree in English/teaching certificate. Since no teaching jobs seem to be forth-coming, I was thinking of adding a gerontology specialty to my background...how do I proceed?

March 26, 2004

Dear BW,

I'm feeling very much homesick as the new year celebration in my country is approaching back home. Please give me some suggestions to get less depressed. I cannot fully concentrate on my readings.

With thanks,

VJ

February 1, 2004

Dear Barbed Wire,

I am a basketcase of problems. Things have become so bad in my life that I don't even know where to begin. Maybe I am blowing things so out of proportion that I am making them seem worse then they really are. It seems like each day I have a new set of problems. When I share these problems with my family and friends, I feel that they are attacking me when they give me advice. It almost always ends in an argument, leaving me at square one feeling even worse that I even brought up my feelings. I always have this feeling that the lives of others are moving smoothly with no problems while that of mine is so messed up. I am always thinking about other people, leaving my needs for last. When I finally get around to fulfilling my needs, I carry them out in the manner that other people in my life would want me to. I never do things the way I want to do them. I don't even know if who I am today is who I was really meant to be. Each day that I wake up in the morning, I wonder why am I still alive? I have thought about suicide but I have never been able to gain enough courage to do it. I don't feel worthy enough to live. I feel that I am more of a burden on the people in my life than anything else and I feel that they would be better off if I was not around or if I never existed. I have caused so many people so much pain and I know that I have. I know deep down inside that I don't want to commit suicide. I believe that this is why I have not been able to go through with it in the past, but how can I do anyone any good in this state of being? I believe that once I can reach the core of my problems and cope with them, I will be able to conquer anything. Please help!

Sincerely,

A troubled friend

September 3, 2003

Dear Barb-Wired,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years and I adore him. Most days I am very satisfied with our relationship, but when we fight its awful. Both of us become immediately defensive and it quickly turns into no holds bar verbal battery with plenty of name calling, threats to leave and accusatory language. While things usually blow over within a couple of hours, we can't seem to stop repeating our destructive fighting patterns. What can we do to make a real change in how we resolve our conflicts? Thanks.

Fighting Mad

August 15, 2003

Dear Barb Wired, 

I'm starting NIU in a week, and I am so nervous. I only live an hour away from DeKalb, so distance isn't really an issue if I need to go home. But I'm sad about leaving my boyfriend back home. Not only that I'm just terrified of getting lost at school, and just being miserable. I have never been away from home, and I am a pretty shy person. I just feel like I'll never fit in, and will be lonely. Please give me some advice.

Confused

July 17, 2003

Dear Barb Wired,

I will be a freshman this fall and I'm really worried about the work load and all studying. In high school I never had to worry about studying and I did my homework at school. I'm not sure how to study. When I read chapters I dont know how to pick out the important stuff, I just want to highlight/take notes on everything. Could you please give me some tips on how to pick out the important information, and a few good ways to prepare myself for tests? Thank you for all your help.

June 11, 2003

Dear Barb Wired,

I am currently working with a manager that drives me nuts! How can I continue to work at my on campus job, and still continue to keep my peace? I don't think I can deal with this much longer, but there are no other jobs available that pay for housing.

Going Insane

May 5, 2003

BW, 

I was diagnosed with depression in Spring 2001 and got medication. I stopped taking them in summer 2001 because I was feeling much better. Recently though, I have been feeling the symptoms of depression coming back again. I think I should be put on medication again and I am scared about going back into a relapse. What should I do? 

-Depressed Again-

April 17, 2003

I've been going to counseling for 7 months now. I feel better the majority of the time and I know I still have some issues that come up. I'm worried that I'm becoming dependent on it. How do you know when you don' t need to go anymore?

February 11, 2003

Is there a way to organize a support group for people with loved ones in the military? Or does such a support group already exist? I'm feeling very lost and confused right now and would like to meet other people who can relate to my situation.

February 11, 2003

I am a student here at NIU, I really have a full load of classes and they are stressful. I struggle with feelings of loneliness which cause me to not spend time studying. I have been rejected by my family many times. I have done counseling but it doesnt help. What should i do? 

Darling in Distress

November 22, 2002

Response to the second e-mail from "Confused Student"

November 18, 2002

BW, I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety by my physician at home. I am on several medications to help regulate my condition. I have been having some problems with the depression and anxiety and my performance at school. I was told I need to let the University know of my condition. I was wondering if I do need to let someone know, who I go to and where?

November 15, 2002

To the student who finished a Barb Wired question signed "confused student"

October 31, 2002

I was just wondering if this would be the office I make an appointment with for counseling regarding my resume?

September 30, 2002

I just found out last week my boyfriend has been using drugs and has been experiencing some severely depressed moods. He finally confessed to me after we fought for three weeks about why he has been so distant. Its just so hard to get him to open up to me. I try to be supportive and not get mad or throw accusations at him. I tried talking constructively about what he wants to change in his life but he says he doesn't want help. We broke up because he feels he's better off on his own so he doesn't drag me down with him. I tried to get him to get help but I don't know if he really means it when he says he will. He told me at first he didn't want help then he said he would look into it. I'm scared something might happen to him. He lies to his friends he doesn't tell people whats going on. I feel like I don't even know him anymore. I don't know what to do.

September 4, 2002

Recently, my dad hit me.  He has hit me before---about once a year.  It is not the usual petty fight with my parents and it happens when I have done nothing.  He just does it and you never know when it is coming.  I think that it could be a lot worse situation then it is.  I'm not bruised or bleeding, but when he does it he comes after me and slaps me.  After this happens, nobody in the family ever talks about it.  We just go on pretending.  He never apologizes and I don't want anything to do with him. I think I need help because I'm not happy at home and I'm also not happy at school.  I feel trapped and am terrified to talk to a professional. How can I get help then?  I'm so scared.

April 24, 2002

I have been facing a serious problem for some time now. I did post my question to Barb Wired some time ago and did not receive a response so I am attempting to ask once again. I have known a really sweet young man for some time now. In the beginning I wanted to be just friends but now he's all I ever think about and I'm beginning to think that I want to be more than just friends. I don't know exactly how to tell him. I fear that if I do, he will want nothing to do with me and I don't want to lose a good friend. We are from two totally different worlds and there is a considerable age gap. Is it truly love that I am feeling for him or are there some other feelings that I am mistaking for love? What would you suggest I do? Please help!

April 7, 2002

Dear BW,

I recently had an experence that trying to help myself has gotten me in more trouble. Now, after this experience, I am depressed and upset, which is very different then my previous mood because I was very happy before. Please advise in what I can do to get myself to where I was before. Thanks

April 5, 2002

Dear BW, 

I am a senior here at NIU and I am majoring in psychology. I am very interested in going on to graduate school after I am done here, but I feel as if my grades will prevent that from happening. I am on average a C student. I don't know what to do or if there even is anything that I can do. I am feeling very hopeless about my future and am in some need of advice. Please help me!

Senior at NIU

March 22, 2002

Dear BW,

I don't know what to do. I have periods where I'll be completely miserable for a few days where I'm just crying all the time and don't want to do anything, and then I'm fine. It never lasts more than a week or so, which the only reason I don't think I'm actually depressed in the true sense of the word... but I don't know what else to think. Maybe it's just the transition from high school to college, but it seems to have just gotten worse throughout the year instead of better. My boyfriend made me promise him I would get help but I don't know where to go, and I'm too afraid of what people will think if I do need counseling. How can I get past this fear and talk to someone?

January 24, 2002

Dear BW,

I'm a freshman here at NIU, and I'm afraid that I'm suffering from depression. All I want to do is sleep, and I've only made one friend here at NIU. I've seriously been thinking about dropping out. The future just looks bleak and hopeless, both my boyfriend and my bestfriend have noticed this and they suggested I get help because they don't know what to do for me anymore. What do you suggest?

December 16, 2001

Response to the person who started letter with:

"I am 51..."

October 25, 2001

My daughter is a freshman. She has had two experiences in the last week in which she feared for her safety. she is afraid now to run at night. She has been walking back to her dorm after night classes. One of the experiences was at that time when a van of locals harassed her. I would like information about availability of a class in self defense. Also is there an indoor track that she can have access to? She does go work out with equipment at some student facility. She calls it a gym.

October 14, 2001

My problem seems very unimportant compared to the conflicts that other people deal with, however, it bothers me a great deal nonetheless. I feel very unfulfilled with my life right now. I have always been very shy. There are so many things that I would love to do, but my shyness gets in the way. I'm at a point in my life were I'm so sick of being shy. I actually become physically ill just thinking about all the time that I've already wasted by hiding what I really want to be. I've realized that I will never be truly happy unless I do what I want, but I can't get over my fear of expressing myself and stepping out into the public eye. I really want to talk to someone about this and find a way to help myself, but I feel as if my problem is too minute to warrant counseling. Can you please advise me as to what I should do?

October 11, 2001

I am planning on entering NIU as a transfer student in the Dual Admissions Program at NIU this Spring. I have a question on how GPA is calculated for transfer students. I attended college right out of high school in 1995, and received two low grades, will this be figured in as part of my GPA when I come to NIU? I am hoping to be accepted in the honors program at NIU. How will this affect that? I have earned approximately 60 credit hours to this point. I am confused by this process and would appreciate any help your staff could provide. Thank you.

September 15, 2001

Mental health. Does it affect physical health? Does anyone know any links or web resources where I can find info that would prove or disprove this? Thanks!

September 11, 2001

I have two children and I am eighteen, I wanted to know what services NIU provides for people with children?

September 4, 2001

This question is concerning career change. I have been working for the last 6 years in the accounting field. I have an accounting degree but do not like to work in accounting any longer. I am somewhat interest in working with people, help others, especially those in needs. Is there any career assessment available at NIU? Who can I talk to in regard to my questions on getting prep up for graduate school?

August 25, 2001

My daughter is a third year transfer student from a Chicago area community college. She is located at Douglas Hall. She is twenty-four years old and I would like to have your suggestions as to how she could meet other "older" students. The dorm population appears to consist mostly of eighteen year old freshmen and we get the feeling that she feels somewhat out-of-place.

August 26, 2001

I'm really depressed and people make me nervous to the point of freezing up and phones scare me. I have problems following through with appointments because of that but I really need help. How can I go about getting help when my problems that I need help with are in the way?

August 16, 2001

I was interested in transferring to NIU in Hoffman Estates this fall with an associates degree in Criminal Justice, what will I need to do in order for this to happen?

March 26, 2001

Response to student with concerns about Social Phobia.

March 22, 2001

Response to student who started letter with:

Hi. I am a Junior, communications major. I'm really involved on campus.......

October 26, 2000

I am a new freshman at NIU.Just recently I found out that my girlfriend was pregnant.She attends Southern Illinois University in Carbondale, but one of us is planning on transferring.I was wondering if she came to NIU would we be able to apply for some type of family housing?If so, how will I go about doing that?And I also receive financial aid.Will that cover family housing?

October 26, 2000

Dear BW,

I have been engaged for four months. My fiance and I have had a great relationship up till the engagement and even until we got to school. The past two months all we have been doing is fighting. He has told me that I will never be his top priority. It seems like all he cares about now is going out with his friends to the bars. He stays out to all hours of the night and I don't really even trust him anymore. My parents are so supportive and want me to do what ever is best for me. The problem is, I love him so much and feel like I would do anything to make it work out. I don't think he would though. I just don't know when the right time is to make the decision of if we will stay together or break up. Any suggestions? When does love quit working? I was thinking that we could go to counseling, but I don't even know if that would work.

HELP!

Sad Fiance

October 19, 2000

Dear BW:

At what point do you stop helping someone? I have a close friend who is going through a rough time. (a similar situation to something I am going through). I love her do death, but she is sucking me dry. She calls me over five times a day, and i cant help her. Every time she tells me her problems, my problems come back...she brings up things I thought I was over. I end up telling her personal information about my situation, and then I get burned. She either tells this personal information to others or belittles it in front of me. I feel like she's preventing me from healing from my own problems. Her situation is getting worse, but I don't want to help...and this makes me feel terrible! (guilty) I told her to talk to a counselor, because I can't handle it.How can I tell her that I am still her friend, but that I cant deal with her problems as well as my own?

Signed::)

September 22,2000

Dear BW:

I'm doing a project on mental abuse and I wanted to know how many people come into the center that have been mentally abused? Also, I wanted to know if the were any fees to coming to the center?

August 18, 2000

Dear Barb Wired:

I am a graduate student looking for a Graduate Assistantship.I need information regarding positions available. Where can I get that information?Thank you.

July 15, 2000

Dear Barb Wired:

I took a summer school class at a junior college. How do I get the credit to transfer?

July 15, 2000

Dear Barb Wired:

This is a question regarding graduate school, which I was hoping to talk to an advisor about.I would like to enter the master's program in Speech/Language Pathology, but I have a Bachelor's Degree in English. Is it likely that I will be able to enter the school, and if not, what do I need to do to become more prepared.

Thank you for your time...

July 3, 2000

Dear Barb Wired:

Are the CSDC psychological counselors taking intake appointments during the summer?

June 29, 2000

Dear Barb Wired:

I was recently dismissed academically from NIU because I failed all my classes. And even though I take full responsibility for what happened, I was still hoping that there would be some way for me to get back into school. Who can I talk to and what resources are there to help me out? I was also going to switch majors during the fall semester, so does that complicate things? 

Please help me out. Thanks.

June 29, 2000

Dear Barbed Wire:

I am writing because my son is a student there and he needs to attend the workshops through the Learning and Study Skills Lab.Is it offered during the summer?

Thank You.

Concerned Mom

Dear Barbed Wire,

I need information on how to apply for a credit card for my mother. My father is a very controlling person who won't let her have checks, ATM cards, or anything other than her weekly cash allowance from him. He even goes through her things to make sure that she isn't building up too large a nest egg for his liking out of her allowance. (No she isn't physically or verbally abused, but I agree that he's mentally abusing her with his controlling behavior.) I am a grad student with a full time job and good credit. I want to open a credit card account and give my mom a second card off that account. However, my current credit card company requires that all second card holders on the account send in an application and have a credit check even for a joint account. My mom is a full-time housewife, so she has no official 'work' history and no credit history. She can't have a credit check, because my dad monitors both their credit ratings through the credit bureaus and would find out that she had applied for a credit card. I know that there are bigger personal issues here for her, but I can't solve those problems right now. I'm just trying to help her have an access to funds unmonitored by my father as well as to emergency cash if she ever needs it. I will be responsible for the bills and want information on how I can find a credit card company (preferably Visa or Mastercard) that would give me an account were I can have a second card to give to a family member to use. The company also can't report the good credit history that she will be earning to the credit bureaus. Can you help? Any information or other contacts that I can call would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Worried about Mom.