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Dear Student,
You are certainly asking yourself the same questions that your gay friends have asked as they have gone through their own coming out process. I imagine that you have given yourself an opportunity to really understand what your friends have gone through themselves. That being said, it’s time to follow their example and find a way to be true to yourself. Sometimes the truth can catch us and our friends off guard, especially when we’ve been living a lie. Although the feelings that come up may seem hurtful, your friends are not going to be hurt by the truth. They may initially be annoyed that you have not been able to speak up before now, but a good friend will certainly be able to understand and accept how hard it is to come out. You clearly already know what to do: “I am most definitely straight and need to live that way.” You can say that. And you already know how to minimize hurting your friend: “I consider you to be a very good friend and don’t want to lose that.” Once you have done this, you will be able to decide if your interest in porn is truly an addiction. One of the problems with pornography is that it can be used to hide a problem in a relationship. When you are more able to be honest about your sexuality, you may find that your need to use porn changes. Finally, you may want to spend some time trying to understand how you got into a situation where you felt that your only choice was to pretend to be something you are not. This is a very painful way to live, as you have said. Your desire to make your friends happy, at its best, can make you a loyal and trustworthy friend. But when this isn’t balanced with being loyal and trustworthy to yourself, it can be easy to get confused. Writing in a journal, talking to a trusted friend, or talking to a counselor may help. You can find counseling services at the Counseling and Student Development Center in Campus Life 200. In the meantime, I want to wish you courage and hope in your quest.Sincerely, Barb Wired |