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I can only imagine how painful and frustrating this situation is for you, especially with your sister's cancer. The last thing she should have to deal with is her spouse being verbally abusive to their daughter. And then there is the added confusion, which must feel sexist, that he is not this way with their son. It is testimony to your sister's strength and courage that she confronts him on his behavior, but apparently even this is not enough to change his behavior is a lasting way. While I cannot know the dynamics of your sister's relationship with her spouse, I wonder if there is a possibility that your brother-in-law may be acting out his fear of losing his spouse by projecting his anger onto their daughter. This could account for the gender bias as well. While this is just one possibility, it does highlight the point that what may be most needed for everyone concerned is support and compassion, even while challenging inappropriate behavior. How can you be most helpful to your sister and her family? When someone has cancer, the entire family is impacted, often in ways that are both obvious and subtle. What may be most helpful, if this is not already being done, is for them to have family counseling (or at least couples counseling) with a counselor who has specialized expertise in this area. Maybe your role would be to suggest this option. Regardless, I want to emphasize the absolute importance of being supportive of everyone involved since it appears, from what you have described, that everyone is suffering. Good luck with this very difficult situation. I hope your sister and her family get the help they need as soon as possible. Sincerely, |