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Thank you for writing to me about your concern. You
have raised a complicated issue. The fact that you trust your therapist
and feel safe with her is important and is an indication that she has
helped you. In addition, since apparently one of your underlying
concerns has been that you keep everyone at arm's reach, the fact that
you have reached out to your therapist would also seem like progress.
Unfortunately, this is an inappropriate gesture, even though it likely
felt positive to you at the time. However, just the fact that you are
writing to me about it here suggests that on some level, you are
uncomfortable with your decision to "hang out" with her as
well.
What makes your desire to be involved with your therapist socially a problem is that it (unintentionally) violates the confines of the therapeutic relationship. In order for your therapist to be most helpful to you, it is important that the line between the professional and the personal be respected. When either party steps over this line, things can get complicated quickly, and the potential for emotional damage to you is greatly increased. Thus, for your protection, it is imperative that you not develop a social relationship with your therapist. You should also understand that it is unethical for your therapist to become involved in such a relationship with you. This does not necessarily mean, however, that therapy with her has to end. What is important is that you and your therapist find a way to talk directly about your invitation to her to have a social relationship and how this relates to the struggle that you have connecting with other people. If therapy can remain professional and you can use this situation to understand yourself more deeply, it may be possible to keep the appropriate boundaries intact and to continue therapy with her. My impression is that you have made meaningful progress in your therapy. I hope you will continue in therapy for your own deeper benefit, even though this current situation with your therapist must certainly feel awkward for you. Sincerely, Barb Wired |